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'The earth I tread on is not a dead, inert mass. It is a body-has a spirit-is organic-and fluid to the influence of its spirit-and to what ever particle of that spirit is in me"--Henry David Thoreau

Dayzed and Confuzed

I don't know what to make of all this.

In an instant I feel as if all my work last week has come crashing. I know not what I want. I miss the old. And have no idea for the future. I desire for circumstance to return as it once was. I know that I am not here. I can't be. To invest again would be too hard. When I am honest with myself all I want is to run in the the seclusion of the hills. I don't feel alive. This depresses me. Rightly so. I know that community and others love is essential to healthy living. But due to not feeling or giving any, I feel alone. I am bored. I do not want instant gratification. I look into offers of religion for guidance and grace. And when I breathe I feel peace. When I look at trees in the wind, I feel grace. I acknowledge a Greatness. I acknowledge a Presence. I acknowledge I am Lost. Searching. Growing. Finding. Alone. Happy. Sad. Stuck. Moving. Hoping. Rekindling a Faith I once found answers. I need to forgive Myself. I need to let go. I need to run free. Go. Do. Be. To believe in: Myself. Others. God. Hope.

On the Wind

.my heart desires it so.

.to float away.

.on the wind.

.feel the cool breeze.

.living and dying.

G.rand R.estless E.xhaustion

I find that I am in a wretched funk.

I do not feel myself.

I am drained. Tired. Exhausted.

I know not what I want.

Plaid

tonight is the first night i wore my coat. it is a plaid sucker.

insignificant yet invigorating. The cold mixed with the freshness of small hints of fall makes this time fill with excitement. I'm ready.

Bring it on you coldness you.

The Hot Sun

The Hot Sun will cool. The stars will offer light. And the air breathed deep into your lungs will invigorate your being. Sing the song loud within your soul. Feel it rising and feel it freeing. Live. Stretch. Reach and Rejoice. Life is Good. God is Good. Time's mysterious healing will calm like a breeze floating across the ocean's shore. Look for the Light in darkness--and be enlightened by It's brightness.

June 2, 2010

Kansas City is my home for the summer.

No mountains. No dry air. No 10,500 foot vistas. No Ponderosa Pines. No endless stars in a visible sky.

I am in the midst of a metropolitan area which is vibrant of life, vibrant of activity, vibrant of movement. There is no stillness to listen to the wind. There are minimal movements in which wildlife acts and surrenders to total freedom. Birds act as birds would in the deep deep wood, without any regard for the car parked on the street ten feet from where the chirp.

The seemingly nieve act of existing and operating in total confidence of being free makes one deceives oneself in the cage that we lock outside of us. This cage being: Bricks. Cars. Obligations. Duties. Relations. Ignorance.

Total freedom comes with: Exploration. Wonder. Hope. And, hopefully, in the end: discovery.

--This is with both the tangible world, and within ones self--

But, might you say, the cage lead us to discovery? And in this cage, might we find the tools, the instruments, the knowledge to unlock the cage to let us free. Might both just be in harmony with one another?

I would hope so. For, if not, whats the point of even existing inside this cage?