Connection

Let me begin by saying hello.

It has been a decent amount of time since the last entry. I hope this one seems redeemable for my absence.

I was lost in the New Mexico mountains for the rest of July and most of August. I found myself waking up in a tent, next to a stream, in the mountains. It was a nice little life. It was full of music, beauty, friends, and peace.

There is something calming about how I lived this summer. I found it to be quite quiet. When you are invested in the mountains and in the peace of the moment, you tend to be quiet. You are taken out of the noisy, disrupting, disturbing, and somewhat obnoxious environment that I now find myself in, and probably the environment that you find yourself in. The mountains force you to be still. I think it is because you truly can't get displaced in them if you don't allow yourself to feel your feet on the ground, and have your soul mesh with the coolness of the air. You feel connected. And the connectedness can't really be put into words, but you feel alive and real.

I have now been home for a month and the connectedness that I was feeling is somewhat depleting due to the fact that my environment is not one of peace and stillness, but one of tests, reading, worrying, business--not to mention there are no mountains. I still have a glimmer of connection to whatever it was that I felt connected to--I just need to try harder. As I think we all do.

We all need to try harder to feel connected. Whether it be to a God, the people who surround your life, or the city or town in which you live, we all need to give a little more of ourselves when it comes to feeling connected. And I don't mean that pansy bullshit connection you might feel when you think someone likes you, or someone opens a door for you...i mean the type of connection in which it digs at the depth of your being and you have no other option than to truly feel alive. It is almost transcendent.

For me I find this connection and living:
-In quiet. I find this in being still and soaking up the world around me.
-In music: whether it being playing or listening--when you feel that feeling in the pit of your stomach that kind of churns inside of you, you know you are alive.
-In good conversation: A conversation that goes deep and is not afraid to push limits make you come alive.
-Walking barefoot.
-In deep thinking: testing ones own concepts and perception of the world makes one figure out what one truly might believe.

But as I said: it is hard. It could even be said as impossible. But we have to try.

I think not to try means not to truly live. Because maybe, just maybe, someday an experience like this may happen: everything seems connected. It all seems together, it seems real, it is alive, you are alive.

.we have to try.
.don't settle.
.come alive.
.i'm trying even though it seems so improbable.

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