No End In Sight

There is really no good reason for me to be writing except for the fact that my body feels so tense and frustrated that I needed a resource to calm myself down. And this is the one that is the most feasible.

I will not go into reasons for why I feel tense. I will just write a minute and then calm down. At least that is what I am counting on.

It is snowing today. In Kansas City. On April 12, 2008. Can we just soak that in please. On April 12th snow is falling from the sky. I heard something this past week that when all of the seasons bleed into one, then the Apocalypse is near. Lets hope that whoever made that claim is not correct. I am not looking forward to the ending right now. After I have lived a full and content life, then I will be ready to sleep indefinitely.

Something got me thinking yesterday. I was watching a very powerful movie called Babel. I recommend it, however I caution you that it will leave you in silence and contempt..so do not watch it if you are in a peppy and overly happy mood. Anyway.

In short the movie has three different stories going on, in which you find that they are all interconnected. The three stories are cross cultural and depict different ways of life in different societies and cultures. On is a middle eastern goat herder. The other is a Japanese girl who is searching for a lover. And the third is a Hispanic child care provider for a family that is traveling.

And my main point is this: We, as a human, global society at large, occupy our lives by filling them up with things that are momentary and occupy our boredom. Isn't that why we have jobs--to occupy boredom. We make the money we receive from our jobs to pay for things that we think will provide happiness and relief from boredom.

We are trapped. Us living in this age are trapped by previous ways of societies and cultures past. We are still living the system that was set up ages ago to alleviate our boredom. We are encouraged by society to have jobs in order to provide money (which is a system and idea constructed by man) and we are told that the more money we have, the more happy we will be.

My guess is that man in his most primitive state--whenever man came to rule over the land did not want to climb the latter of corporate success. My guess is that he did not belittle the ones who were weaker. My guess is that all the other primates worked together in a way that would benefit the whole of the group. They did not care about personal gain or personal hierarchy. They were surviving. They needed each other to survive. And now I think the mentality is we think we just need ourselves to survive.

If we try to break away from this trap we find alone, discredited, and abandoned by a majority of society. We find ourselves to be the outcasts.

Why did things become this way? We accept it all so blindly. We accept it without question. We accept it without caring. In a way, I wish I didn't care so I could just live as everyone else does, but something does not sit well with my soul if I were to do that.

I can write about it on this blog, but how can I change my lifestyle to reflect what I am saying? How can I be more than just another writer raising questions about how things came to be? There's not an answer.

Maybe just the awareness of knowing and acknowledging that we are trapped is a start.
---

Freedom And Fear

In less than a month I will be done with my third year of Higher Education.
In less than two months I will be in the Mountains of New Mexico.
And today. I am content.

It is so interesting to me how the changing of seasons contribute drastically to mood and outlook. The way souls are overjoyed when the sun is shining, or the way the mood changes to inquisitive on a dark and cloudy day.

As spring is trying to nudge its way into our lives, we find that it could not come at a better time. It has been a long winter, and I think that a majority of persons are ready to have the freshness of spring invigorate their souls.
--

All of us claim to be free. We all claim that we have freedom, and we can exercise it anyway we desire. However, I am finding out that that claim is somewhat untrue. There have been numerous times in which a certain underlying and driving force constructs us not to exercise our freedom. And I'm not talking about a God like figure. I think what I am talking about is culture, and how unseemly in has absolute control of our lives without our recognition.

When we have desires just to go. Desires to go somewhere by our lonesome, or with a companion, we find all sorts of reasons to pile up, for us not to go. How come I find myself when walking to Spanish, and really not desiring to go, still going? I am free enough too chose the opposite. I am free if I wish to not go to class or work or other obligations and to do what I desire, as in take a drive. Or play music. What is it that restricts certain freedoms.

I guess that my answer is fear.

Fear from a failing grade, which leads to failure to graduate, which leads to failure to find a successful job, which leads to failure of cultivating a great life---all of this according to society of course. Our freedom is shadowed by fear.

Which leads me back to my original point.

How can we truly exercise our freedom that we claim we have?

The best answer that I can muster up is I just don't know, which is probably the answer of many, which inevitably appears to let fear win.
--