I don't know what to make of all this.
In an instant I feel as if all my work last week has come crashing. I know not what I want. I miss the old. And have no idea for the future. I desire for circumstance to return as it once was. I know that I am not here. I can't be. To invest again would be too hard. When I am honest with myself all I want is to run in the the seclusion of the hills. I don't feel alive. This depresses me. Rightly so. I know that community and others love is essential to healthy living. But due to not feeling or giving any, I feel alone. I am bored. I do not want instant gratification. I look into offers of religion for guidance and grace. And when I breathe I feel peace. When I look at trees in the wind, I feel grace. I acknowledge a Greatness. I acknowledge a Presence. I acknowledge I am Lost. Searching. Growing. Finding. Alone. Happy. Sad. Stuck. Moving. Hoping. Rekindling a Faith I once found answers. I need to forgive Myself. I need to let go. I need to run free. Go. Do. Be. To believe in: Myself. Others. God. Hope.
